Merry Christmas . . . Ish.

Hey Yinz!
Merry Christmas!
I went up to Pennsylvania, where I was born, for Christmas.
There happened to be a lot of drama on Christmas Eve, and it made me really anxious. I didn't have an anxiety attack like I usually do though. I tried to remain calm and I took deep breaths. I performed my relaxation techniques, which on extremely terrible occasions, do not work. Thankfully, they worked this time and I kept from having an anxiety attack.
Whenever my tics get bad or I get really anxious, I take deep breaths and think about other things. I try not to concentrate on my body and I distract myself by doing other things. This can be really hard sometimes, so it does not always work.
My psychiatrist has told me about a technique where whenever you feel the need to tic, you do the opposite of that tic. For instance, if you need to squat, then straighten your legs. I am extremely against this technique, and whenever my mom tells me to try and use it, I always tell her the same thing. IT'S A TERRIBLE TECHNIQUE.
It has apparently worked for a lot of kids with TS, but I have tried it many times and I think it is just dumb. It doesn't work for me. Plus, if you think about it, it can give you more tics. If someone with Tourettes sees someone doing repetitive actions, they may take that action and turn it into a tic. It's even worse if that someone with Tourettes has to do the repetitive action. To get to the point, if I feel the need to flex my feet, but obey the technique and point instead, pointing could become a tic also. If I repeatedly felt the need to flex, I would keep repeatedly pointing. Therefore, pointing would become a tic, flexing would stay a tic, and I would end up gaining a tic from this technique. I'm not sure how it has worked for other people. I don't like it at all.
While in PA, I had to ride in my uncle's car a lot. The backseat had absolutely no leg room, and one of my tics is straightening my legs. I got to sit up front which has leg room the whole time, except for one night when my uncle's friend came over. We didn't explain TS to him and make him sit in the back, so I had to huddle in the back with my dad and brother. We were crammed together, and whenever I had to straighten my legs, I had to go through a bit of trouble. I had to turn sideways in my seat and bring my legs up over my dad and brother's laps. I straightened my legs, then put them back down behind the driver's seat. Then about a minute or less later, I'd have to do it again. And again. And again.
It was quite frustrating.
I can start taking Driver's Ed around March. I'm still really worried I won't be able to drive. What if I get one of those old, crabby teachers and they don't have any patience with me to start with?
What will I do if I have to tic? I have to be in the car for at least two hours!
Those Driver Ed cars are kind of small. Will I have any leg room?
When I have to drive in the car, and I have to straighten my legs, what will I do? Floor it?
What about when I need to squat? Take my feet off the pedals?
When I need to blink real hard? Not look at the road?
When I have to scrunch up my arms? To clap? To rub my wrists together? Will I just take my hands off the wheel?
I don't think I'm ever going to get my license...
Yes, I am still worried about that.
I wish I could do things I'm unable to do.
My brain tells me I can't do these things, but my heart says "Go for it!"
I have ice skated and roller skated. I felt the need to point my feet and bend down all the while. They were uncomfortable experiences, but I was able to do it. Maybe one day I will be able to drive...
I was not able to be the leader that got decorated like a Christmas tree by my kindergartners during the AWANA Christmas party. I couldn't possibly stay still for that long. Sadly, I have to miss out on that every year.
We will see how it is... if I am able to drive or not.
It's stressful, but this is my life.
I don't know if I will ever get my license, but I'm going to try my hardest. I'll push through it. I'm determined to drive one day even though I have Tourettes. There are tons of things in life and many situations in which you may be told you cannot do something. I'm here to tell you to do it anyways. I am a dancer. While on stage, I am distracted and I barely tic. I am a singer. While singing, I distract myself easily and do not tic. I play guitar. I can almost get through a whole song without doing one of my hand tics. I act. I can disguise my tics on stage. I write. I don't let anyone stop me from doing the things I love. I have moderate-severe Tourette Syndrome, and I can still do these things. If you try really hard, you can do whatever you want. People with Tourettes are just like anyone else. Stick up for yourself to the bullies and move on. You can accomplish anything if you try. It may be hard, but life is hard.

Thanks for reading!

Emma<3