I Know I Can, I Know I Can!

Hey Everyone!

Long time, no see!
Highschool has kept me really busy...
The other night, I was at a football game. It was my friends' homecoming game, and I had missed my homecoming game to go to the lake for *Holly's birthday, so I went to this one.
Yes, I do get a bit apprehensive about going to places and hanging out with people while standing up, since I have to squat all the time. One of my friend's friends whispered something about me being a whore after I bent down, but I wasn't sure what I had heard, so I asked. He had called me a whore because it looked like a slutty move. Just squatting. Yeah, great reason to call someone a whore! I mean, just the other week I got called a prude...
Anyways, I just said, "I have Tourettes..."
I know he was just joking around, but I did it a few more times, all the time trying to restrain myself, and he pulled out his wallet shouting, "Make it rain!"
I was offended, so I eventually left them to visit my other friend.
I hadn't seen *Drake, the guy I walked over to visit after my street walker experience, in a long time. He was standing with his friend *Pauly, so I scooted inbetween them. It was the first time I had formally met Pauly- I mean, I had seen him around in my middle school, but I never knew who he was. Lucky former me.
We talked a little bit, and I held on the the metal fence while I bent down.
Pauly gave the normal response: Giggle, giggle. "What was that?! Hahaha!"
Drake and I told him that I had Tourettes.
Pauly said, "Oh, that! So, do you only have it when you're on a pole?"
I thought he was joking, so I laughed, but when I saw his face he was expecting an answer.
I raised my eyebrows and replied, "Um, no."
"But, you bent down holding on to the pole," he pointed out, nodding to the metal fence I was gripping.
"Yeah," I replied, "but I still have it when I'm not holding on to a pole."
Pauly looked slightly confused. "But, what do you do when you don't have a pole?"
"Huh?"
"When you don't have a pole to hold on to?"
I was really surprised by then, since it was honestly one of the weirdest conversations I had ever had about Tourettes.
I tried to end it by saying that I had TS even when I wasn't on a pole.
In my head, I was just thinking, What the Hell?
Then, Pauly hit my nerve and said, "I love it when people with Tourettes scream obsenities! It's so funny!"
I stated that I was leaving, so I turned around, started walking away, then told him, "Bye, I don't like you."
He shouted, "Sorry!" after me, and I felt kind of bad, but he was an imbucile anyways. I didn't want to talk to him. He was stupid.
What did he expect? "Like, yeah, um, totally, bro. I just have Tourettes when I'm holding on to a pole. Heh heh, yeah, cool, right? I know, I think it's funny when peeps with the TS cuss too!"
LOL, no.
I understand he wasn't making fun of me or anything, but sometimes I just don't like to deal with dumb people. I'm not saying he's dumb because he didn't really know what TS was- which he kind of did because he knows kids that have it can say cuss words sometimes, but... TS only on a pole. Really? I don't think so.
I didn't get that mad at him, and it wasn't that big of a deal, but I've never had a conversation quite like that about Tourettes.
At least I have good friends. My buddy, *AJ, walked away with me from the guy who had tried to throw money at me earlier. I told them I was leaving, then AJ decided he was coming with me, and that he would stick with me. What a great friend.(:
Yesterday, my family and I went to a farm to do some fun activities, and one of them was horseback riding. I absolutely LOVE riding horses, but when I asked my mom if I could take a few equestrian lessons, she said no.
Because I have Tourettes.
I understand she didn't like the idea of me taking my hands off the saddle a few times during high speeds, but I can ride a dirtbike, and dirtbikes are way faster than horses. If I'm distracted from TS I can handle doing a bunch of things.
People with Tourettes can do the same stuff that other people can.
I've never really been sure about how my skills will be with driving, but look at that guy with Tourettes who is going to race a Go-Kart for twenty four hours straight and break a record to raise awareness about TS.
I am determined to be able to do anything everyone else can do.
I ride dirtbikes instead of bikes because they require more focus. Focus means thinking about one thing. A distraction from Tourette Syndrome.
I can accomplish all things when God is with me... which is always.

I have never known what it feels like to be normal.
I mean, to know what it feels like to not have to tic constantly.
And if I try to embrace a moment where I am not ticcing, I will tic.
It's really hard to explain.
I want to know what it feels like being normal before I die. I don't remember how it felt when I was four... all of those memories have either faded away or are replaced with tics while I remember them.
Tourettes supposedly makes me special. Rare. Especially since I'm a girl with Tourettes... but I want to know what it feels like to not have a little monster barking orders in my head for once.
Please donate to help to find a cure for Tourettes.
I hate living with this demon inside of me.

Go to

http://tsa-usa.org/

and donate now.(:

Emma<3

P.S. Follow me on Twitter! @emmarockin

It's Been A While...

Hey!

Wow, It's been a while since I've last blogged... Honestly, there's been nothing much to blog about. I know, normally my life is so bloggable.
But, highschool has been great.
And, I've been thinking...
And thinking...
How to make a change.
But what you have to do is stop thinking and start doing. I'm planning a video about Tourettes, but I seemed to have misplaced my supplies... which is pretty stressful.
My parents have been looking at a new house, and I don't like change. It's an OCD thing. But, they said it's probably not going to happen.
I was babysitting *Bucket yesterday for *Aunt Ronnie, and we went on a walk. When I bent down, he bent down. Up, down. Up, down. He is such a cute little boy.
He asked me, "Emma, why do you have to bend down?"
I told him it was because of Tourettes, but I didn't feel like elaborating. He's three, so that's all the explanation he really needs. He kept bending down with me, which a lot of people do. My one friend used to say, "Drop it like it's hot!" everytime I bent down. Kids my age would ask if I wanted them to do it with me. Um, no... Why would I want you to do that? I know they just wanted to help me out and make it look normal, but... really? I don't expect you to drop it like it's hot with me all the time...
Anyways, that's life lately...

Thanks for reading!

Emma<3