Hi everyone!
I am so sorry that I have not been writing. I will soon be making a video for my YouTube channel, so check that out within the hour.
Anyway...
Have you ever been made fun of for something you cannot control? Have you ever been bullied beyond repair? Have you ever kept a secret down deep inside because you feel as though no one will ever care? Guess what? I care. I care so much and I love you all so much. I know what it's like to be bullied and made fun of for things out of my control. So here is an idea. "Life's A Twitch's Share Your Story Project". Please send me your story, but only if you are content with it being on the internet. You can be completely ANONYMOUS if you wish, or you can let me mention your name. Just email to lifesatwitch.emma@gmail.com your story. It can be as long or as short as you want. No maximum, no minimum. Just get everything off your chest. It helps you so much, and it helps others as well. Just for people to know that others out there are going through the same thing as them is really comforting. Plus, you can be kind of famous. (;
It doesn't have to be a Tourette's life story, or even a full life story. It can just be a short anecdote, or whatever you feel comfortable with. This is completely for your benefit, and you should be able to feel comfortable with whatever you say being on the internet. I will post your stories to my blog, and read them on my YouTube channel, lifesatwitchemma.
Go ahead. Get it off your chest.
You are loved no matter what.
Love
Emma <3
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Monday, October 1, 2012
Staying Strong
Hi.
People tell me all the time, "Emma, you're so strong as you go through this."
Sometimes I agree with them. Yes, life is hard. But maybe they shouldn't just tell me this. They should tell everyone. Everyone struggles with something, whether it is Tourette's or not. I recently had to stay strong and help a friend out. I cannot go into detail, but it was really hard. It's so hard to stay strong and help someone when they don't even want the help. Even so, you know you have to help them. If you do not, and they succeed with whatever horrific notion, then you will feel guilty. It's not all about you though. It's about the other person. You need to stay strong for THEM. Not for you. Not so that you don't feel guilty for not doing enough if the notion does in fact happen. You do it because you love the other person. You do it for THEM. Stay strong for THEM. Fight for THEM. It's not about you. Life is not all about you. Yes, you have struggles too, but when something horrible is happening to someone you love, you take action. Yes, you have your own troubles, but if you love them, you set your troubles aside for a while and help. You may think that your struggle is worse and you should work yours out before helping them, but who are you to judge whose problem is worse? Have you felt EXACTLY to the point what the other person has? Have you literally crept into their body and consumed their feelings? No. That's impossible, so you don't know how hard their struggle is. Yes, yours may be terrible, but you cannot compare and contrast two struggles.
Since I am a die-hard fan of the show Friends, which sadly ended after ten beautiful seasons, I currently watch Matthew Perry's new show, Go On. In Go On, Matthew plays Ryan King, a radio show host whose wife recently died. He at first reluctantly attends a support group for loss, but ends up enjoying it. In the first episode, he took over the class and made a huge competition about who had the most screwed up life. I didn't think this was fair, even though the people in the group seemed to enjoy it. If you tell someone, "I'm having a harder time than you," I will personally punch you in the face. You don't know all that they've been through, and even if you do, you still have not been in their shoes while they experienced it. So, watch your mouth. I know I say this a lot, but I really hate when people say, "You wouldn't understand." It makes me really mad. This may sound contradictory to my argument, but it is not. Even though the person may not understand EXACTLY what is going on with you, EVERYONE has a struggle. I promise you there is not a single perfect person currently on the face of this earth. I promise. You know that perfect, popular girl? Yeah, she's got something going on with her as well. By everyone, I mean EVERYONE. Don't undermine other human struggles. Maybe you have Diabetes and someone else has been having friend drama. So what? The other person is still going through a hard time. You know what they're going through. Not EXACTLY, but you know a struggle. Stay strong for your loved ones, because you never know when you may lose them. Never let your tight grasp on your relationship loosen, because you have to be strong. Fight for them. Fight with them.
Love,
Emma <3
People tell me all the time, "Emma, you're so strong as you go through this."
Sometimes I agree with them. Yes, life is hard. But maybe they shouldn't just tell me this. They should tell everyone. Everyone struggles with something, whether it is Tourette's or not. I recently had to stay strong and help a friend out. I cannot go into detail, but it was really hard. It's so hard to stay strong and help someone when they don't even want the help. Even so, you know you have to help them. If you do not, and they succeed with whatever horrific notion, then you will feel guilty. It's not all about you though. It's about the other person. You need to stay strong for THEM. Not for you. Not so that you don't feel guilty for not doing enough if the notion does in fact happen. You do it because you love the other person. You do it for THEM. Stay strong for THEM. Fight for THEM. It's not about you. Life is not all about you. Yes, you have struggles too, but when something horrible is happening to someone you love, you take action. Yes, you have your own troubles, but if you love them, you set your troubles aside for a while and help. You may think that your struggle is worse and you should work yours out before helping them, but who are you to judge whose problem is worse? Have you felt EXACTLY to the point what the other person has? Have you literally crept into their body and consumed their feelings? No. That's impossible, so you don't know how hard their struggle is. Yes, yours may be terrible, but you cannot compare and contrast two struggles.
Since I am a die-hard fan of the show Friends, which sadly ended after ten beautiful seasons, I currently watch Matthew Perry's new show, Go On. In Go On, Matthew plays Ryan King, a radio show host whose wife recently died. He at first reluctantly attends a support group for loss, but ends up enjoying it. In the first episode, he took over the class and made a huge competition about who had the most screwed up life. I didn't think this was fair, even though the people in the group seemed to enjoy it. If you tell someone, "I'm having a harder time than you," I will personally punch you in the face. You don't know all that they've been through, and even if you do, you still have not been in their shoes while they experienced it. So, watch your mouth. I know I say this a lot, but I really hate when people say, "You wouldn't understand." It makes me really mad. This may sound contradictory to my argument, but it is not. Even though the person may not understand EXACTLY what is going on with you, EVERYONE has a struggle. I promise you there is not a single perfect person currently on the face of this earth. I promise. You know that perfect, popular girl? Yeah, she's got something going on with her as well. By everyone, I mean EVERYONE. Don't undermine other human struggles. Maybe you have Diabetes and someone else has been having friend drama. So what? The other person is still going through a hard time. You know what they're going through. Not EXACTLY, but you know a struggle. Stay strong for your loved ones, because you never know when you may lose them. Never let your tight grasp on your relationship loosen, because you have to be strong. Fight for them. Fight with them.
Love,
Emma <3
Thursday, August 23, 2012
NJCTS Walk
Hi everyone!
As some of you may know, I do not only write for Life's A Twitch, but also NJCTS.
They are having an upcoming walk for Tourette Syndrome. It is in New Jersey, and I realize most of my readers come from North Carolina, but you can also donate money here:
http://www.active.com/donate/
It is for a great cause, so please donate! Whether it is one dollar or one hundred, it can help make a change.
As some of you may know, I do not only write for Life's A Twitch, but also NJCTS.
They are having an upcoming walk for Tourette Syndrome. It is in New Jersey, and I realize most of my readers come from North Carolina, but you can also donate money here:
http://www.active.com/donate/
It is for a great cause, so please donate! Whether it is one dollar or one hundred, it can help make a change.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Fighter
Hey everyone!
Fighter.
What does this word mean? What does it really mean? There is more than one definition. Fighter... as in someone who partakes in a fight. Fighter... as in someone who fights every second of everyday in more than one way. I would like to believe I'm the second definition. Anyone with Tourette's is. Maybe not every second of the day, but a lot of things are really hard to do. Does this mean we can't do them? No. It means we fight to do them. We fight a part of ourselves. A part that is deeply engraved in our minds. A part we cannot control. Day by day, we fight this demon in our brains. We search for ways to make it stop controlling us. There is no way out, so we continue to fight. Fight for what we want to do. Those of us who have mental disorders or even those of us who have suffered terrible things in our lives or feel uncomfortable in our own homes are the best of the fighters. The second definition has the best fighters. Yes, it's hard, but we must be resilient, for this is our lives.
The hellish part of us can be heavenly at points. It makes us stronger. It makes us work harder. Most importantly, it makes us who we are. And no matter what you think about yourself, I'm telling you right now: who you are is great. You have been made greater by the thing you wish away the most. You have struggled with drastic situations and come out victorious. You are who you are today because of Tourette Syndrome. Because of Depression. Because of your home life. Because of whatever is troubling you. You think you haven't won? Put your hand over your heart. Do you feel that? A pulse? This means you have won. You are still alive and breathing. My mother always told me that God never gives you anything you cannot handle. You can do this. You're a fighter. You've made it through this far, you can make it through the rest of your life. Everyone's lives have purpose and meaning. Everything happens for a reason. I promise. What you may believe is your worst curse may be your best gift. Every situation, every memory, and every fight has made you who you are. It has all shaped you into the beautiful being you are that is walking this earth at this very moment. I promise your life has meaning and anywhere you look you can find fulfillment, as long as you seek it.
Even though what you have has made you who you are, it has only made you who you are because you have fought it. You have fought it everyday so that you can keep living. So that you can stay positive even though you feel sometimes or even most of the time that nothing goes right. There is always a reason to be alive. Always. For those of us with Tourette Syndrome, there is a part of our brain that we cannot seem to take control of. We keep our friends close, and our enemies closer. So close that they are living in our brains. But we must thank these enemies, for they have made us strong and beautiful beings. We may wish them away, but who would we be without them? Would we take more things for granted? If you ever feel like you must die to escape, and that the fight has been too hard, and you have been beaten to a pulp too many times, coming into the victory circle wounded and tired, look around you. Colors. Smiles. Laughs. Joy. Hugs. Kisses. Butterflies. Kindness. Beauty. Life. All of God's creations. All of the things you would miss out on if you took your own life. You may think that taking your life is the only way out, but you are a fighter. Remember that you are not the only one in the battle. And that you will always win the war. As long as you are alive, you are winning. Whoever is reading this right now; you are a winner. Everyone has their own battles, whether big or small. You are not alone. You are not the only one fighting. Keep living, because tomorrow is a new day. Someone very wise once said, "Tomorrow will be better, and if it is not, then it is not yet tomorrow."
There is always someone in the world who is meant to love you. There are multiple people who love you. Taking your life can be thought of as an act of selfishness. Do not take yourself from your loved ones. They love you. Love is louder than any word anyone has ever called you, and it is greater than any blow anyone has taken to you. Love takes up more of your brain than any disorder, and love can heal better than any doctor. Fight. Fight so that you can stay in love's warm embrace. You may feel at times that no one loves you, but if you fight those feelings away, which may be the one of the hardest challenges you will have to face, you will see that you are loved. By many people. Even if you do not know it. You may think that if you died no one would care. But they would. You may not even know the person that loves you, but their heart may be filled with you inside. If you cannot fight for yourself, then fight for this person. Fight because God wants you to. Fight because Jesus fought for you. I do not care whether you believe in God or not, because he is up there whether you like it or not, and he loves you so much. He loves you with a love like no one else's. You are his child, and he loves you. Forever.
If you still believe that no one loves you, then I'm telling you right now that I do. I love you. I do not care who you are or what you have done. I love you.
So many things in life could be going wrong, but you, my friend, are a fighter. Your life is valuable. Honestly, the second definition of a fighter is always much stronger than the other. Both definitions could be fighting for their lives, but in many aspects, it is much harder for the second definition people, which makes them stronger. Maybe not physically, but mentally and emotionally.
I am a fighter. I fight everyday. I fight my disorders, but even though they cannot be completely defeated, I fight for an extraordinary life. Not a normal one. Who would ever want a normal life? Not me.
I love you all from the bottom of my heart, and thank you so much for reading.
Love, Emma<3
P.S. Dedicated to one of my great friends, Haley.<3
Fighter.
What does this word mean? What does it really mean? There is more than one definition. Fighter... as in someone who partakes in a fight. Fighter... as in someone who fights every second of everyday in more than one way. I would like to believe I'm the second definition. Anyone with Tourette's is. Maybe not every second of the day, but a lot of things are really hard to do. Does this mean we can't do them? No. It means we fight to do them. We fight a part of ourselves. A part that is deeply engraved in our minds. A part we cannot control. Day by day, we fight this demon in our brains. We search for ways to make it stop controlling us. There is no way out, so we continue to fight. Fight for what we want to do. Those of us who have mental disorders or even those of us who have suffered terrible things in our lives or feel uncomfortable in our own homes are the best of the fighters. The second definition has the best fighters. Yes, it's hard, but we must be resilient, for this is our lives.
The hellish part of us can be heavenly at points. It makes us stronger. It makes us work harder. Most importantly, it makes us who we are. And no matter what you think about yourself, I'm telling you right now: who you are is great. You have been made greater by the thing you wish away the most. You have struggled with drastic situations and come out victorious. You are who you are today because of Tourette Syndrome. Because of Depression. Because of your home life. Because of whatever is troubling you. You think you haven't won? Put your hand over your heart. Do you feel that? A pulse? This means you have won. You are still alive and breathing. My mother always told me that God never gives you anything you cannot handle. You can do this. You're a fighter. You've made it through this far, you can make it through the rest of your life. Everyone's lives have purpose and meaning. Everything happens for a reason. I promise. What you may believe is your worst curse may be your best gift. Every situation, every memory, and every fight has made you who you are. It has all shaped you into the beautiful being you are that is walking this earth at this very moment. I promise your life has meaning and anywhere you look you can find fulfillment, as long as you seek it.
Even though what you have has made you who you are, it has only made you who you are because you have fought it. You have fought it everyday so that you can keep living. So that you can stay positive even though you feel sometimes or even most of the time that nothing goes right. There is always a reason to be alive. Always. For those of us with Tourette Syndrome, there is a part of our brain that we cannot seem to take control of. We keep our friends close, and our enemies closer. So close that they are living in our brains. But we must thank these enemies, for they have made us strong and beautiful beings. We may wish them away, but who would we be without them? Would we take more things for granted? If you ever feel like you must die to escape, and that the fight has been too hard, and you have been beaten to a pulp too many times, coming into the victory circle wounded and tired, look around you. Colors. Smiles. Laughs. Joy. Hugs. Kisses. Butterflies. Kindness. Beauty. Life. All of God's creations. All of the things you would miss out on if you took your own life. You may think that taking your life is the only way out, but you are a fighter. Remember that you are not the only one in the battle. And that you will always win the war. As long as you are alive, you are winning. Whoever is reading this right now; you are a winner. Everyone has their own battles, whether big or small. You are not alone. You are not the only one fighting. Keep living, because tomorrow is a new day. Someone very wise once said, "Tomorrow will be better, and if it is not, then it is not yet tomorrow."
There is always someone in the world who is meant to love you. There are multiple people who love you. Taking your life can be thought of as an act of selfishness. Do not take yourself from your loved ones. They love you. Love is louder than any word anyone has ever called you, and it is greater than any blow anyone has taken to you. Love takes up more of your brain than any disorder, and love can heal better than any doctor. Fight. Fight so that you can stay in love's warm embrace. You may feel at times that no one loves you, but if you fight those feelings away, which may be the one of the hardest challenges you will have to face, you will see that you are loved. By many people. Even if you do not know it. You may think that if you died no one would care. But they would. You may not even know the person that loves you, but their heart may be filled with you inside. If you cannot fight for yourself, then fight for this person. Fight because God wants you to. Fight because Jesus fought for you. I do not care whether you believe in God or not, because he is up there whether you like it or not, and he loves you so much. He loves you with a love like no one else's. You are his child, and he loves you. Forever.
If you still believe that no one loves you, then I'm telling you right now that I do. I love you. I do not care who you are or what you have done. I love you.
So many things in life could be going wrong, but you, my friend, are a fighter. Your life is valuable. Honestly, the second definition of a fighter is always much stronger than the other. Both definitions could be fighting for their lives, but in many aspects, it is much harder for the second definition people, which makes them stronger. Maybe not physically, but mentally and emotionally.
I am a fighter. I fight everyday. I fight my disorders, but even though they cannot be completely defeated, I fight for an extraordinary life. Not a normal one. Who would ever want a normal life? Not me.
I love you all from the bottom of my heart, and thank you so much for reading.
Love, Emma<3
P.S. Dedicated to one of my great friends, Haley.<3
Thursday, August 9, 2012
True Life
Hi Everyone!
Turns out summer has negatively affected how much I write. I have been trying to clear out room on my schedule to write.
I recently watched a show called True Life: Embarassing Medical Conditions. Tourette Syndrome was one of the two conditions featured on the show. The girl, Allyssa, was quite an inspiration. She has tics that are more life threatening than mine, including holding her breath, fainting, and choking herself. She takes life a day at a time, and she is quite an inspiration to me. She seemed completely fine with herself and her disorder. She was happy to have her friends laugh at her. I'm not sure why she enjoyed this, but she liked to make a joke of it. Sometimes, I enjoy a few lighthearted jokes with my very close friends, but not all the time. This girl can drive even with her fainting tic! I thought this was amazing.
I always think that I will surely get in a car crash if I get behind a steering wheel. With my rapid and intense blinking tic, I don't think I will ever be able to safely drive. I don't want to risk my life and the lives of the people on the road and in my vehicle. So, for now I stick to not driving. I could have taken Driver's Ed in March, but I decided against it.
Allyssa made me think that maybe I can drive, since her tics are more severe than mine and she drives quite easily. She says she just concentrates really hard on driving. I feel like I would have to have music playing in order to occupy my Tourette's part of the brain. Tourette's is the lack of production of a sufficient amount of dopamine and music increases dopamine, so I guess that is one of the reasons music helps. I always have to listen to music in order to do my homework each night.
If Allyssa ever happens to read this (small chance), I would like to thank her bunches for helping me believe in myself. If you have Tourettes, join in the community, look up our videos, and read our blogs. It's good to know you're not alone.
Lots of love!
Emma<3
Turns out summer has negatively affected how much I write. I have been trying to clear out room on my schedule to write.
I recently watched a show called True Life: Embarassing Medical Conditions. Tourette Syndrome was one of the two conditions featured on the show. The girl, Allyssa, was quite an inspiration. She has tics that are more life threatening than mine, including holding her breath, fainting, and choking herself. She takes life a day at a time, and she is quite an inspiration to me. She seemed completely fine with herself and her disorder. She was happy to have her friends laugh at her. I'm not sure why she enjoyed this, but she liked to make a joke of it. Sometimes, I enjoy a few lighthearted jokes with my very close friends, but not all the time. This girl can drive even with her fainting tic! I thought this was amazing.
I always think that I will surely get in a car crash if I get behind a steering wheel. With my rapid and intense blinking tic, I don't think I will ever be able to safely drive. I don't want to risk my life and the lives of the people on the road and in my vehicle. So, for now I stick to not driving. I could have taken Driver's Ed in March, but I decided against it.
Allyssa made me think that maybe I can drive, since her tics are more severe than mine and she drives quite easily. She says she just concentrates really hard on driving. I feel like I would have to have music playing in order to occupy my Tourette's part of the brain. Tourette's is the lack of production of a sufficient amount of dopamine and music increases dopamine, so I guess that is one of the reasons music helps. I always have to listen to music in order to do my homework each night.
If Allyssa ever happens to read this (small chance), I would like to thank her bunches for helping me believe in myself. If you have Tourettes, join in the community, look up our videos, and read our blogs. It's good to know you're not alone.
Lots of love!
Emma<3
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Caswell 2012
Hello everyone!
I understand most people do not read blogs, and that is part of the reason I have made a YouTube account, but I'm still going to keep up this blog.
This past week, I went to a camp called Caswell. I learned some amazing stories of strong young people, and I realized that my life is amazing. When I said this to my one friend, she told me, "Well, people still have struggles in their lives that can make it hard. It may sound like someone's life is harder, but everyone has their own struggles." I agree with this, but I'm glad I have a really great family to support me. Sure, I have some crazy family history, but who doesn't? I really appreciate the life I have been given, and I'm so glad that I can use it to tell people about my disorder. The one that has made me sad, mad, and depressed. The one that has made me stay up countless nights. The one that has gotten me made fun of. The one that has made me so uncomfortable in my own body. But most importantly, the one that has made me a fighter.
On the first day of camp, we were given a small notebook with group devotions and places for notes on them (It was a church camp). Everyday, I wrote a small topic to blog about on the back of one of the pages. Monday's topic was my back tic. I have to make it into an arch by bending it back, and after a while, it really hurts. Speaking of pain, today on the bus ride home, one of my fingers sent a shooting pain up and down it. I think this is because of my knuckle cracking and middle finger bending tics. I'm a bit scared I may get Arthritis one day. There is a high chance. Because of my tics, my knuckles are a bit bigger than most people's knuckles. My husband is going to have a hard time finding me a ring. Anyway, back to my back tic. Oh man, I just made a funny. BACK to my BACK tic? Oh, I'm hilarious.
When I arrived at Caswell, I was getting my bunk ready when I realized I had only brought sheets and my pillow pet. I had forgotten a blanket. My friend came over to me in distress when she realized she had forgotten her pillow. We problem solved, and ended up sleeping on the same bunk with my pillow and her blanket. I was glad we did that, since the next morning, all the people sleeping alone were discussing how they were woken up because of the cold air conditioner. I, on the other hand, was sweating I was so warm. It was a close fit on the bed, but it also provided me someone else's body heat. With this said, my back tic was also throwing a fit. I had to bend my back so many times Monday night, and it really hurt. Thankfully, my bunkmate knew about my Tourettes, so she didn't say anything. My back tic stopped overreacting after Tuesday night, since I became extremely deprived of sleep. I had been so tired, that when I hit the bed, I practically fell asleep right then and there. My youth pastor had kept us in church group devotions a bit too late each night, and we would get to our cabins past lights out time. This is the reason I just took a five hour nap upon arriving home.
On Tuesday, I decided to go to the beach with my friends. Caswell is located on the coast of North Carolina, so we could easily take a ten minute walk to the beach. This was not extremely peaceful in the sweltering heat, but the cool water was worth it. I made my way into the ocean, and that is when the strong compulsion waved across me. I couldn't help it. I needed to open my eyes under the water. It stung my eyes like bees. It took me a while to wipe my eyes and blink out the salt. I think this was a result of my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but I'm not exactly sure. I used to have life-threatening compulsions. As I have said before, I think my disorders hate me! Anyway, I used to have to lick knives and try to breathe underwater. This made dinner and a trip to the pool a lot harder than usual. My psychiatrist told my parents to lock up the sharp objects somewhere, so I wouldn't see them and feel the need to lick them. So, at every dinner for a long time, I did not get my own knife. I felt like my little brother. I loved going to the pool, so I do not remember how I made it through that really hard compulsion. The opening my eyes underwater one has also always been around. I used to not be able to take baths because I would have to open my eyes under the steaming hot water. Thankfully, this compulsion eased up on me and I can take countless bubble baths now whenever I want. Even so, my disorders hate me and want me to feel pain, so in the ocean, the compulsion was unbearable and I had to open my eyes under the water at least once each day I went to the beach.
On Wednesday, my friend and I had a long conversation with one of the chaperones, who was one of the kid's mothers that came on the trip. At the end of the conversation, she decided to pray for us, and that is when it happened. The shoulder touching. Being in Apex High School chorus, I have learned how to suppress my shrugging tic, since every Thursday we give each other massages to release tension in our muscles. I talked about the therapy that has never worked for me before in another post; where you do the opposite of your tic in order to make it go away. I did this during chorus, and also tried hard to do it during the prayer, but as I have said before, it does not work well for me, and the shrugging tic never has gone away. The movement opposite of it where I move my shoulders down has also become a tic too. It's really annoying, but it's not anything I cannot deal with.
I did not write anything down for Thursday and Friday, since my tics decided to give me a nice couple of days, and settled down a bit. I'm really glad I went to Caswell, and I highly recommend that camp. You can always come with Salem Baptist Church. It was a fun and inspiring camp, and I also learned so much about my friends. I loved it, and I can't wait for next year!
Thanks for reading. I appreciate it!
Emma<3
I understand most people do not read blogs, and that is part of the reason I have made a YouTube account, but I'm still going to keep up this blog.
This past week, I went to a camp called Caswell. I learned some amazing stories of strong young people, and I realized that my life is amazing. When I said this to my one friend, she told me, "Well, people still have struggles in their lives that can make it hard. It may sound like someone's life is harder, but everyone has their own struggles." I agree with this, but I'm glad I have a really great family to support me. Sure, I have some crazy family history, but who doesn't? I really appreciate the life I have been given, and I'm so glad that I can use it to tell people about my disorder. The one that has made me sad, mad, and depressed. The one that has made me stay up countless nights. The one that has gotten me made fun of. The one that has made me so uncomfortable in my own body. But most importantly, the one that has made me a fighter.
On the first day of camp, we were given a small notebook with group devotions and places for notes on them (It was a church camp). Everyday, I wrote a small topic to blog about on the back of one of the pages. Monday's topic was my back tic. I have to make it into an arch by bending it back, and after a while, it really hurts. Speaking of pain, today on the bus ride home, one of my fingers sent a shooting pain up and down it. I think this is because of my knuckle cracking and middle finger bending tics. I'm a bit scared I may get Arthritis one day. There is a high chance. Because of my tics, my knuckles are a bit bigger than most people's knuckles. My husband is going to have a hard time finding me a ring. Anyway, back to my back tic. Oh man, I just made a funny. BACK to my BACK tic? Oh, I'm hilarious.
When I arrived at Caswell, I was getting my bunk ready when I realized I had only brought sheets and my pillow pet. I had forgotten a blanket. My friend came over to me in distress when she realized she had forgotten her pillow. We problem solved, and ended up sleeping on the same bunk with my pillow and her blanket. I was glad we did that, since the next morning, all the people sleeping alone were discussing how they were woken up because of the cold air conditioner. I, on the other hand, was sweating I was so warm. It was a close fit on the bed, but it also provided me someone else's body heat. With this said, my back tic was also throwing a fit. I had to bend my back so many times Monday night, and it really hurt. Thankfully, my bunkmate knew about my Tourettes, so she didn't say anything. My back tic stopped overreacting after Tuesday night, since I became extremely deprived of sleep. I had been so tired, that when I hit the bed, I practically fell asleep right then and there. My youth pastor had kept us in church group devotions a bit too late each night, and we would get to our cabins past lights out time. This is the reason I just took a five hour nap upon arriving home.
On Tuesday, I decided to go to the beach with my friends. Caswell is located on the coast of North Carolina, so we could easily take a ten minute walk to the beach. This was not extremely peaceful in the sweltering heat, but the cool water was worth it. I made my way into the ocean, and that is when the strong compulsion waved across me. I couldn't help it. I needed to open my eyes under the water. It stung my eyes like bees. It took me a while to wipe my eyes and blink out the salt. I think this was a result of my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but I'm not exactly sure. I used to have life-threatening compulsions. As I have said before, I think my disorders hate me! Anyway, I used to have to lick knives and try to breathe underwater. This made dinner and a trip to the pool a lot harder than usual. My psychiatrist told my parents to lock up the sharp objects somewhere, so I wouldn't see them and feel the need to lick them. So, at every dinner for a long time, I did not get my own knife. I felt like my little brother. I loved going to the pool, so I do not remember how I made it through that really hard compulsion. The opening my eyes underwater one has also always been around. I used to not be able to take baths because I would have to open my eyes under the steaming hot water. Thankfully, this compulsion eased up on me and I can take countless bubble baths now whenever I want. Even so, my disorders hate me and want me to feel pain, so in the ocean, the compulsion was unbearable and I had to open my eyes under the water at least once each day I went to the beach.
On Wednesday, my friend and I had a long conversation with one of the chaperones, who was one of the kid's mothers that came on the trip. At the end of the conversation, she decided to pray for us, and that is when it happened. The shoulder touching. Being in Apex High School chorus, I have learned how to suppress my shrugging tic, since every Thursday we give each other massages to release tension in our muscles. I talked about the therapy that has never worked for me before in another post; where you do the opposite of your tic in order to make it go away. I did this during chorus, and also tried hard to do it during the prayer, but as I have said before, it does not work well for me, and the shrugging tic never has gone away. The movement opposite of it where I move my shoulders down has also become a tic too. It's really annoying, but it's not anything I cannot deal with.
I did not write anything down for Thursday and Friday, since my tics decided to give me a nice couple of days, and settled down a bit. I'm really glad I went to Caswell, and I highly recommend that camp. You can always come with Salem Baptist Church. It was a fun and inspiring camp, and I also learned so much about my friends. I loved it, and I can't wait for next year!
Thanks for reading. I appreciate it!
Emma<3
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
You have TOURETTE'S!?
Hey guys and gals!
Been a while, huh? Well, thankfully, school is over so that should either have a positive or negative effect on how much I write!
Today I wanted to talk about the reactions people have to Tourette's. If people have given you any strange, mean, or even funny responses when you told them that you have Tourette's, just comment on this blog post what they were! I will include them in a YouTube video about reactions to Tourette's.
My most annoying response that I always get would probably be the one that goes like, "Oh my gosh! That's so cool! I would definitely use that to my advantage and cuss in class a bunch!"
Now, you can't tell me that wouldn't annoy you too. Recently, I was telling someone who also had Tourette's about a few things going on with my TS, and they kept saying "That's weird." Really? That's weird? You have complex tics too! I don't understand how someone else who has the same condition as me would think what I was doing was... Weird! If I'm weird, you're weird too!
Sometimes, I try to look at myself from someone else's point of view. Honestly, if I knew nothing about Tourette's, and had just met myself, I would think I was extremely weird. But when someone else who has TS says what you do is weird, that's just kind of peculiar.
If you don't have Tourette's, your first impression of me depends on the kind of day I'm having with my tics. If it's a bad day, then yes, I understand why you think I'm weird. If you see some girl puffing up her cheeks and making high-pitched squeaking noises at you, you'd think she was weird too, unless you knew about Tourette's. That's one of the reasons I have this blog; to raise awareness so that people know about that girl who puffs up her cheeks and squeaks. So they know why she's doing it, what makes her do it, why she can't stop. I know just what it is like to be her, and trust me, it's not always fun.
On a happier note, HAPPY SUMMER! Everyone have a great one!(:
Thanks for reading.
Emma<3
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