I know I've not written on here in a while. I have had a lot going on. It has almost been an entire year since I've blogged!
I am very sorry for my "leave of absence", but there has been a mixture of laziness and being totally busy in my life that led up to me not writing.
I also did not have much to write about at all. My tics had been totally fine, I had not been depressed in ages, and I was only stressed out a bit.
Some of this remains true.
I have not felt suicidal or depressed in any way in a while. It has been really great and I've been able to be really happy. Even so, my stress levels have sky rocketed the past few months. Sometimes I cannot even recall what it feels like to not be stressed. Anxiety disorder SUCKS.
I get really anxious about lots of things. Sometimes it is just everyday things such as stressing about whether or not I'll get my chores done or if my outfit is nice enough, but most of my stress has derived from school.
First of all, I am going to be a senior in a few months. For many that means AP classes out the wazoo. For me, it only means one AP class. AP English. Even so, with my anxiety disorder it feels like a billion AP classes at once, since I strive for great grades all the time. You may be thinking, "well it's summer, why is she still anxious?". AP summer reading would be the answer to your question. I have to read four very long books over this summer and also participate more than ten times in a discussion forum with highly intelligent remarks. Oh, and all of this is for a pretty big grade. I have read two of the books already, but I'm still super stressed about finishing the other ones. I chose an easy one for my free reading pick. "The Fault in our Stars" by John Green. Next, I had to pick from a few different books and I chose "Room" by Emma Donoghue. "Room" was actually a great book, but it took me more than a few days to read.
Next on the agenda is "Kite Runner" and "Catch-22". I am not excited at all. I love to read, but I have not heard good things about "Catch-22". I have been told it is basically a dark comedy from the late 60's. That does not really interest me... at all. "Kite Runner" is supposed to be a pretty good book, but I am not too interested in it. I guess we will just have to see.
Anyway, anxiety is a real pain in the buttocks. I absolutely hate it. In fact, I am anxious at this very moment. I'm super stressed about getting my reading done. Maybe I should be reading instead of typing away on my blog, but oh well.
Tics. Tics are the bane of my existence. About two nights ago, I had to take a Flexiril to go to sleep, because my tic where I tense my butt muscles was acting up a bunch. I have a new vocal tic where I make a little sound that comes from the bottom of my throat and sounds like I'm kind of swallowing something. It's hard to explain and also very strange. It sounds kind of gross, and I am not a fan of it.
Even though life has been a bit rough, I do have some good news. I do have a boyfriend as of almost eleven months ago. He's pretty cool, and I love him a lot.
Also. new video up! The link is here:
Thanks for reading!
Emma
